It’s Day Two and I cried, OK? I cried.
This CogMed computer stuff is so hard. I get so anxious that I am not “doing well” that I want to throw in the towel.
Huh? I am not the kind of person who gives up easily. Or am I? In the past, I have hung on far too long to lost causes, but give me two days of excruciating mental ping pong and I want to quit. It doesn’t make sense.
Except that CogMed pushes my weaknesses front and center so I have to notice them. Hmmm. The very same weaknesses I have been hiding from the world (and perhaps myself) are now “public.” The CogMed computers now know how nuanced my attention can be – here, not here. There, not there.
And with no prescription meds on board except Wellbutrin (my lifeblood), I am depending on fish oil, vitamins and FocusFactor (which I am not sure has any effect at all).
So, the results of Day Two are (drum roll please):
I did better on the averages than yesterday, but some of my “best” scores dipped below the first day (the “easy” day). So I am feeling a little down. I made some stupid mistakes – whoops I never allow my clients to call themselves “stupid” so I guess they were “careless” mistakes. How’s that for reframing?
I was mad at myself for missing some easy patterns and caught some lucky breaks when I guessed and got the right answer. Is my memory better than I think it is? Seems like I trusted my intuition but maybe it was a faint memory in disguise. Hmmmm. This will require more thought.
And there is tomorrow…Day Three. Oh.. I am traveling to Jacksonville tomorrow, so Day Three won’t be until Tuesday. Stay tuned. I promise to write after each session. Uh, let’s make that every other session. This could get boring. I can’t stand boring.