Slip sliding away
My brain in hyper drive.
Everywhere I go – my office, my house, my car, my computer desktop – there is evidence of a brain moving so fast that the physical world can’t keep up. A jacket tossed hurriedly over a chair; mail ready to be sorted on the kitchen island; file folders in disarray on the desk, floor, conference table.
Perhaps most telling are the blue-and-white copies of a list entitled “50 Things to Love About ADD.” There are several scattered on the carpet, former members of a neatly stacked pile. After three weeks on the floor, two oblivious dogs and my occasional attempt at straightening, they now stick out at odd angles to and from each other.
I glimpse another bright blue copy peeking out from the middle of miscellaneous clutter on my desk. And in a distant drawer, in my well-labeled but underutilized file cabinet, an entire folder of those craft little copies repose in smug harmony.
Every time I walk past the out-of-place copies, they silently plead with me: I’m still here! Put me away, OK? I want to live with my fellow, matching papers in a neat little file in a neat little drawer. Please, please, please put me away!
I ignore the plea (inevitable, because I have something more important to do right now), but a tiny bit of unwanted guilt drills into my brain. How hard is it to pick up those copies and put them in the folder? It won’t take 60 seconds. Just do it!
But I know myself. If I pick up those copies, I will also start sorting the pile in which they live. And then the pile next to it. Soon I will have neat piles all over the floor – 30 of them. And instead of 60 seconds, it will be 60 minutes later. Chances are good that the original intention – to file the blue copies – will be lost to me. I will look at my watch, realize I am now late for an appointment and run from the room, leaving the thinner, neater piles on the floor. Just waiting to be scattered again.
Don’t psychologists say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again expecting a different result? I’m not insane. I stopped pretending I could stop at 60 seconds. And the piles collect dust. I am not proud of that. So….
How can I be positive about this? In recent years. I have learned to approach life with an incredibly positive attitude. Negative energy has no permanent foothold, but it’s a fairly new state of mind for me. So when I am in the midst of my self-inflicted chaos, I have to continually fight my way back to a mental state of Upbeat and Enthusiastic.
This week, I wonder if I am in denial about the effects of my ADD or whether I am subconsciously using my ADD as an excuse (oh, it’s hard to write those words) for the mess I have created and can’t seem to correct. Am I real Linda who is racing from one major project to another and literally too busy to declutter or am I Memorex Linda, always filtered through the cassette tape of my ADD which causes the clutter? Either way, the effect is identical: I can’t find anything efficiently. I try very hard to look past the surface disorganization (the fluff) to the core of my work (the meat). Lotsa questions, not so many answers
So WHY DON’T YOU JUST CLEAN IT UP? screams the linear wanna-be part of Linda. The answer is: darned if I know.
I talk to women all the time who are hopelessly mired in their household chores, their office load, their gardens. We work through a solution that involves accountability, small steps, gradual improvement. Yet what happens when I don’t have time for small steps? I want it done NOW. And there are 57 projects that are ALL pleading for my attention and my time. Whew, this post isn’t my most uplifting effort, I’ll admit. So what will I DO about all this? I don’t want to use ADD as an excuse. And yet, it is a big part of why the world has caved in on me once again – why I have so darned much trouble making forward progress? It’s kinda like being tied to a telephone pole and then asked to get out there and climb that mountain, plow that field, move on down the highway (OK, enough cliches for one post).
First things first. I have to be Real Linda AND Memorex Linda. That means the ADD gets put back into my awareness, not as an excuse but as another ‘thing’ to embrace, understand and include as I set goals for myself. The truth is that is takes me longer to do things than I realize. I am a speed demon in my brain, but when I start implementing some of the fabulous ideas that come up, I have some false starts. I blast out the door and then need to fall back a bit to recoup from my frenzied activity. Slow and steady will never be me. I will work in short bursts. I will not allow myself to get discouraged by the enormity of sorting through the piles and the clothes and … all of it.
So, I’ll start with the desk. I’ll spend one hour (timer set, I promise) clearing the papers, the notebooks, the software and the Post-its. I’ll even take pictures – again. It helps to have someone else doing this too. Why don’t you do it too? Send me a picture of your “before” messy desktop, then set the timer for an hour and do NOTHING ELSE except clear your desk. Then send an “after” picture. I’ll post them here in the ADDiva blog. Along with mine. Yikes!
To: Linda & Also Alone… you’re both speaking for me in first person!
Yes, Linda, months ago, I took plenty of the ‘before’ pictures, but still have no ‘after’ to show.
And it’s also my constant personal interrogation, “WHY DON’T YOU JUST CLEAN IT UP?” I, too, “DO NOT KNOW!” Thus, existance in a world of frustration and discouragement – which does not a ‘happy camper’ make.
To: ‘Also Alone’… not sure where you’re located, but if you ever find that live ‘IN PERSON’ to help, I would truly love to get their name! I turned ’60’ recently and can personally relate to having on-site numbness and ‘sick of being ME’ (i.e. ‘me and my uncontrollable mess’).
I realize how important it is to stay optimistic and not give up, but DEFEAT seems to whisper to me most days – and on occasion roars. It’s now Jan. 2014 – with Seasonal Affective Disorder making my life even more difficult. I’m always thankful for the encouragement and optimism shared in Linda’s notes. Always finding myself in each blog (specific arguments I’ve had with myself recently), “Get moving; turn the TV off; eat/live healthier.” Certainly hard to apply, but do realize that taking better care of one’s self will help create the mental state that’s required in order to tackle those insurmountable stacks – and closets – and rooms full of ‘stuff’.
For this new year, wishing everyone what we all need and deserve… peace, joy, and love. And… understanding and acceptance!
I can relate to you….there is so much clutter in my life right now that my mind literally goes numb when I walk in the door. I so want my home to be an ordered, beautiful, peaceful sanctuary. I, too, am alone, and lack of accountability definitely keeps me mired and depressed. When I’m out of the house, “in the world”, I do better, but I find I compare myself to others and wonder, “why can’t that be me?” I’m 54 now, and you’d think I was 5, the way my home looks. It won’t help me to have someone on the phone tell me to get going and get things done….I do so much better having someone to help me get motivated and even started IN PERSON.
I’ve moved around quite a bit in the last 25 years, and don’t have real friends where I’m living. My family is in another part of the state, and all of those folks are non ADD, so they think I’m half crazy anyway! I’m tired of spinning my wheels, as you say. I’m ready to find someone locally who can help me get my life on track…and my HOUSE cleaned and organized. I’m sick to death of being ME!
Notice there are no PICTURES here??? So much for terrific intentions. It’s no fun admitting to the world that I’m not perfect. FlyLady (who lives in the mountains of NC) must feel proud of herself every day for her accomplishments. I, on the other hand, am only proud when I neaten ALL of it. A little bare space here and there does make me feel better though. I actually have a clean floor in the studio (video and audio recording). So it is possible (especially when company is coming!).
OK, I promise to take pix and post them – may have to do it in the Network site though…not sure about uploading pix here. I AM going to record some videos now that my room is clean so maybe they will be on YouTube…right after I get home from visiting my mom.
Today is my parents’ anniversary and it’s the first one for my mom without my dad. So I am flying out to Illinois to be with her. She wants to take a meandering “spontaneous” drive like my dad used to do. Ironically, that’s how he was killed…driving home from one of his sojourns.
So, right after I get home, I’ll take pictures and get them up…this time it’s on my calendar. Ooops— is that a breakthrough?? Scheduling my sorting time? Woo Hoo.And bye for now – the airport awaits.
Hi Linda and everyone here, Just stumbled on your book and this site, ironically while looking for magical filing and organise-your-life solution that would allow me to clear out my junk room and get to some of those fun sewing projects I’ve been planning for so long I can’t remember what they were anymore… I would just like to say I am reassured and validated by the fact that you have no quick or easy solutions (though I was looking for one, they almost never work for me). It is uplifting to hear/see everyone here struggling as I do, and spending time researching and writing on forums instead of actually attacking the piles! I am not alone! Even the woman who “wrote the book” is still struggling! (That’s why I gave up Flylady, by the way, who has lots of great ideas, but gets on every one of my nerves with all of her bland and boring successes, her condescending encouragement, and her focus on housecleaning, as if that’s all any of us have to do!!) (Unwarranted attack, sorry Flylady. Just my own feelings of inadequacy…) Anyway, will touch base once I’ve finished the book. Thanks for writing it. – C
My piles never go away, they may move or get smaller. I stir them up, get rid of a few things.but they never leave me.I am happy when I see more floor than paper or clothes. I do better when I’m busier. School starts again soon.
That’s me, that’s me, that’s me!! That’s my house, except most of my clutter is on my bed. I’ve carved out a teeny place for my body to sleep, on bare mattress. I’ve decided enough is enough. I’m simply going to push everything on the bed OFF the bed and onto the floor. I will then put freshly washed sheets on the bed, along with my favorite duvet and pillow cases on my pillows. Despite the overwhelming clutter, I will no longer deprive myself of having a calm, comforting place to rest my body and soul at night.
BTW, our ADD is more like our twin, joined to us at the hip, influencing our every thought and motion. So, no it is not an “excuse”, it is a “reason” — it exerts a constant effect on everything we do. So no need to beat yourself up over trying to separate it from you since it is part of you and part of your life. Don’t fight it, just try to work with it and stop beating yourself up over it. You’re OK just the way you are.
It’s one thing to look at the mess and feel hope instead of despair. It’s another thing entirely to know in your heart that the clutter is not a reflection of Who You Really Are in the world. My best friend says she believes in “better living through chemistry” and I take my Wellbutrin without fail every day. And yet, I swing from a “can do” attitude to an ‘OMG I’ll never get this done” panic. I tell my clients they are amazing women who have gifts the world needs…it’s something I (and you) need to hear, too.
We aren’t slow, steady tortoises. We are jack rabbits who need to collapse and snooze often. But we still make it to the finish line. We do!
Linda, i keep rereading your blog. It sounds so overwhelming for u & the story for many of us but you still keep the prize “Upbeat & Enthusiastic.” in sight. Thinking & analyzing then look around & move on
I am drowning & positive affirmations, Mindful breathing a few min are not moving me out of the quicksand fast enough.
Sometimes i tell myself I’m not moving backwards just spinning in 1 place. Now I’m dizzy & just fall out. So when the world is moving & I’m not, i guess i am far behind. ADD & depression meds occ. keep me afloat but still…
~~ Alone and Alone
I definitely feel your pain on this one! You haven’t seen a picture but it rivals your spaces pretty closely……
I wrote a response 2 the blog that i feel less alone in this & it’s something I’ll have 2 manage forever. i am constantly trying to leave that place of discouragement with positive affirmations, but little results. i lost it. I think put was more succintly too.
People don’tunderstand that on the occasion when i make a relatively decent comment i probably can’t repeat it without stuttering and trying to remember how i said it.
It’s disheartening when I cannot see an order in a bunch of papers & mail
It’s a good thing I’m single bc i have so many papers on my bed. They’re on 1 side & I sleep on the other. they move from the floor to the bed so i work on them or at least change the sheets
I’m having such trouble organizing papers for my son’s college & my job i hope he doesn’t get kicked out & I don’t lose my job.
As usual “God Sister” You are right on describing my house! WYB I have 5 desks in a 2 bedroom house!???
I got a real burst of energy yesterday as was having carpets cleaned–which of course I had to straighten up so the guy could get to the carpet especially in my bedroom. Didn’t sort any piles but at least consolidated (now reside in master bath hallway. OH Wow, then I decided to straighten up my pantry (all those “might need someday paper & plastic bags) Then 4 loads of laundry & culled out really summery clothes, bleached out my linen napkins, Went out to dinner and Lincoln movie with a friend. Felt really good until I woke up this morning (er ah afternoon) & looked around. Bags all over kitchen, half LR & DR furniture in kitchen & fam rm, clothes hangin on every doorknob (didn’t get to cleaning out the summer closet YET!)
Yes I am better playing “Beat the Clock” but I can usually only stay at it for 15 mins at a time. So how about the furniture first!
Okay, I’ll shut up!
Thanks for listening,
CH
P.S. “Register/ Disqus”??? I’m doing a Scarlet O’Hara on that!!