Q. I’ve had ADD all my life and am suffering with procrastination ! I have just lost a 30-year marriage and I feel so alone and lost … hopeless. Even with great friends and family support. Just had to move out of my house and into a townhouse and all I see is disorganization and pain. Is this depression or what? HELP – S.W.
A. What you’re experiencing is probably a combination of depression and ADD symptoms – but I am not a physician so can’t diagnose it for you. If you aren’t seeing a doctor about this, please do so. If it’s indicated, medication can make a world of difference.
My own experience with divorce and ADD, though, has been difficult. I was very emotional and like a ping pong ball bouncing from high to low (mostly low). But I survived and now am thriving – and you can too!
The loss of your old life, home and even friends is devastating. Major, major life changes. You need to be very gentle with yourself as you heal and put yourself back together as a new, different woman. Yes, your ADD will follow you everywhere but you don’t have to be defined by it – you are more than your ADD.
And trust me, you ARE a magnificent woman under all that chaos and sadness. It’s OK to be sad…you are mourning the loss of a love (If you haven’t read “How to Survive The Loss of a Love,” try to find it at the bookstore or library – it’s wonderful).
I imagine you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed and don’t know where to start. I feel that way a LOT and I am past my divorce(s) by many many years. Heck, I married the same guy TWICE..hmmmm….tenacious? I guess!
What I know to be true is that (forgive me for getting esoteric here) everything, EVERYTHING happens for a reason. It may feel sucky right now but this is the right thing to happen at the right time. Maybe you needed to get out of your old rut. Maybe you had been unhappy in your marriage. Maybe you were spiritually ready for something big and different. It may be difficult for you to see the perfection in this turn of events.
But there is a upside to everything. I don’t want to play Pollyanna in the face of your misery – please don’t see this as negating how you are feeling. You have a right to feel as you feel. AND there are brighter days ahead, I promise. I know. I guarantee.
Please, if you haven’t done so, join the ADDiva Network and then the ADDiva Yahoo forum and “talk” to some of the other women there. You are NOT alone. You are among friends. And I am one of them.
Many tender hugs,
Yup, that's me. 14 year marriage which was offshoot of a 13 year friendship. But get this, he's add and I adhd. Torks me off when I think of what could have been if we'd both been willing to admit this.
And no, I wasn't happy either, but could be now that I know what the problem was. Am on meds but still suffer the procrastination adn overwhelmed feelings. But NOW I don't get upset with everyone cause things are getting done, I just accept things aren't going to be perfect. I relapse now and again but hey Progress, not perfection right?
Oh My Gosh!
This is my first time to this blog and this post: (ADD, depression and divorce) jumped right out at me!! This is right where I am. I can totally relate to S.W. I lost a 25 year marriage, feel so alone despite lots of friends and family, had to move, and trying to put my life back together. I also have to find a career, since I was a stay at home mom for 20 years. The depression and feeling of overwhelm have me totally stuck. The divorce became final 1 year ago and I\’m still having the ups and downs (mostly downs).
I can\’t figure out how to get un-stuck!!
I\’m so angry at the ADD with its\’ procrastination, disorganization, overwhelm etc. I just can\’t get out of my own way. I am so afraid for the future. How will I be able to support myself in a couple of years when my alimony ends? I feel hopeless…
My daughter called me and said today momma I was diagnosed with ADD (she is 24 yrs old. She was a very sick in her younger days, my husband we know had it and you know what so did I but we just didn\’t talk about such things those days. I just thought she was \