ADD, depression and divorce
Q. I’ve had ADD all my life and am suffering with procrastination ! I have just lost a 30-year marriage and I feel so alone and lost … hopeless. Even with great friends and family support. Just had to move out of my house and into a townhouse and all I see is disorganization and pain. Is this depression or what? HELP – S.W.
A. What you’re experiencing is probably a combination of depression and ADD symptoms – but I am not a physician so can’t diagnose it for you. If you aren’t seeing a doctor about this, please do so. If it’s indicated, medication can make a world of difference.
My own experience with divorce and ADD, though, has been difficult. I was very emotional and like a ping pong ball bouncing from high to low (mostly low). But I survived and now am thriving – and you can too!
The loss of your old life, home and even friends is devastating. Major, major life changes. You need to be very gentle with yourself as you heal and put yourself back together as a new, different woman. Yes, your ADD will follow you everywhere but you don’t have to be defined by it – you are more than your ADD.
And trust me, you ARE a magnificent woman under all that chaos and sadness. It’s OK to be sad…you are mourning the loss of a love (If you haven’t read “How to Survive The Loss of a Love,” try to find it at the bookstore or library – it’s wonderful).
I imagine you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed and don’t know where to start. I feel that way a LOT and I am past my divorce(s) by many many years. Heck, I married the same guy TWICE..hmmmm….tenacious? I guess!
What I know to be true is that (forgive me for getting esoteric here) everything, EVERYTHING happens for a reason. It may feel sucky right now but this is the right thing to happen at the right time. Maybe you needed to get out of your old rut. Maybe you had been unhappy in your marriage. Maybe you were spiritually ready for something big and different. It may be difficult for you to see the perfection in this turn of events.
But there is a upside to everything. I don’t want to play Pollyanna in the face of your misery – please don’t see this as negating how you are feeling. You have a right to feel as you feel. AND there are brighter days ahead, I promise. I know. I guarantee.
Please, if you haven’t done so, join the ADDiva Network and then the ADDiva Yahoo forum and “talk” to some of the other women there. You are NOT alone. You are among friends. And I am one of them.
Many tender hugs,